


And I Love Him

by orphan_account



Series: Scared AU [3]
Category: The Beatles (Band)
Genre: A bit of scat, Brain Damage, Diapers, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, John Whump, John wears diapers, M/M, Please Don't Hate Me, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-17 21:21:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28731891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Paul doesn't regret his choice of living with John, even with all the complications his illness brought.(Alternative ending of Scared. What would have happened if John's brain damage had been more serious)
Relationships: John Lennon & Mimi Smith, John Lennon & Paul McCartney, John Lennon/Paul McCartney, Paul McCartney & Mimi Smith
Series: Scared AU [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2106312
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is short and not really good if you ask me. It was born by the thought of what would have happened if John wasn't able to recover enough to be a little bit independent.  
> I might continue it.  
> Enjoy, give a kudo and leave a comment :)

Paul McCartney had found the love of his life in John Lennon.

That complex, full of love and wonder, young man that had been put under his care.

Paul didn't regret his choice of staying with him whatever the future would bring him.

He could have left when, after around the 3-months mark, John hadn't shown any sign of improvement, but had gotten worse.

If before John was in an unconscious state, but still could do things on his own when lucid, now he couldn't do that either.

His conscious state had become something more resembling infanthood than adulthood.

His brain had suffered such damages he was now declared completely mentally challenged.

Paul looked towards Mimi and John.

They had returned home from the hospital, understanding there was nothing to do anymore to help John regain his independence.

John, according to all the neurologists, wasn't even aware of what was happening around him. He was like an infant trapped in a grown man's body.

Currently, John was crying. Wailing at the top of his lungs, wiggling into the cocoon Mimi had wrapped him in to keep him warm.

Mimi quickly freed him, discarding the blankets as she kept rocking him back and forth, muttering sweet nothings into his ear.

"You're probably hungry, aren't you?" 

Paul entered the bedroom holding a tray. On it, there was a large bowl full of soft mashed potatoes and steak cut in very small pieces so John could chew it easily, since the meat was very tender.

They had bought a special kind of bottle to feed him liquids, since his motor skills were almost non-existent if not involuntary.

At the sight of food, John started calming down, trying to reach Paul with his arms.

Mimi sat him in bed, carefully posing his back over the backboard, cooing and praising him at each bite, making John coo and hum happily around the spoon Paul was pushing into his mouth.

His fisted hands were shaking like the hands of an excited little kid, sometimes rubbing his eyes sleepily.

His body was used to being asleep at that time, but today they've run behind a little with their schedule, ending up preparing lunch for John later. That was why he was crying and fussing before his feeding.

After eating everything without fussing, John picked up his bottle, bringing it to his mouth and suckling down the apple juice thirstily. After finishing, he banged the bottle down, looking up at Paul with big eyes.

That meant he wanted some more juice.

"Oh, sweetie, I don't know if it's wise to give you more" said Paul worriedly. In the past, he had had some bad diarrhea caused by the juice, which had resulted in a lot of messy nappies and a very crying John.

But it was easy for Paul to cave in, so he added a bit of juice into the bottle, making him shriek in delight.

Paul smiled, leaning down to kiss his head, closing his eyes in delight at the soft locks tickling his face.

John was out in a second, Elvis the cat jumping into the bed to curl in the empty spot between his spreaded legs as the boy rolled onto his belly, his preferred sleeping position.

Paul kept looking at him, smiling dumbly.

He still loved him. He still loved him with his whole heart.

But sadly, he couldn't consider himself his lover anyway. His affection had almost completely turned into a platonic one.

He was John's caretaker now. He was glad anyway that John loved him, and could see it in his big curious eyes.

Sometimes, when playing with his learning toys, he would crawl to Paul, cooing and asking him without words, only with his eyes and appreciative hums to play with him.

He leaned down one last time to kiss the back of his head, before walking out to do some errands around the house while Mimi took a well deserved nap.

Taking care of John 24/7 was tiring; John was a grown-up who needed full caretaking.

"Lovey…" 

Almond shaped brown eyes sleepily blinked open, a small yawn escaping his mouth as he stretched like a cat.

"Aunnie" he said happily, hands shaking in delight as he cooed.

With a mighty push, Mimi had picked John up, straining a little under his weight. Even with the huge weight loss, he was still taller than Mimi.

But she was strong enough to pick him up and carry him around with little to no trouble.

She inwardly cringed at the huge mess she was met with as she untaped John's thick disposable nappy, before smiling fondly at John's huge curious eyes looking around, a little bit of drool trickling down from the corner of his mouth, where he had stuck a corner of Spottie's ear.

Mimi chuckled, walking to the head of the changing table to kiss his forehead, before starting to clean him up again.

In the past, John would have cringed or cried or blushed as his aunt cleaned his bottom like that, but now, now he wasn't thinking anything.

For him, life was simply getting fed, changed and being taken care of, nothing else.

"My little boy" cooed the woman, carrying the snuggled up boy towards the kitchen.

Paul had gone to work, so she was alone with John, not that she minded.

Even if it pained her a lot to see her nephew like that, losing that little independence he had been proud of gaining throughout the years.

"Here comes the airplane" she cooed, making airplane noises as she spooned soft peaches into the boy's mouth, smiling and cooing at him, praising him.

Paul and her had to basically turn the house into a child-proof house. 

John had started walking again, toddling like an excited child with a little help of a walker or someone holding him.

Mimi smiled softly as she held John into her arms by the window, looking at the birds chirping and the cats running and playing in the fields.

To be honest, Mimi wouldn't change anything in her life. She had Paul now to help her take care of John.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might have made a second part. Leave a comment to let me know your opinions on it

Days were passing, months were passing and Paul couldn't wrap his head around how many changes happened in the short span of one year.

John had his yearly neurological check-up appointment and he wasn't thrilled to do it.

That day, it had been a hassle to get him ready in the morning, between cries and tantrums.

John was usually a sweet person, very meek and easy to take care of.

But now it almost looked like he was in a state of utter discomfort, whining and crying and clinging to Mimi or Paul.

"C'mon Johnny, you have to take a nap or you will be very cranky" Mimi had been walking around with John in her arms, just like she was carrying a little baby instead of a grown man.

Paul couldn't stop being surprised at Mimi's strength.

It was just a little after midday; the visit was at 3 in the afternoon.  
They needed John to be as rested and in a good mood as possible.

John was wailing at the top of his lungs apparently without a reason. Paul would have slapped himself at thinking of John crying without a reason.

It reminded him of the very first times before the big diagnosis; how John was crying because of pain, but too confused to tell what was wrong.

Since then, they had always been super attentive to his cries, learning the differences between a tantrum cry, a pain cry and a simple 'I'm very sleepy or I need a change' cry.

At least, though bitterly the man, in the past, John still talked and so he could say if something was hurting or was wrong.

Now it was more of a guessing game.

He focused back on the woman trying to calm the younger man down, rocking him back and forth and softly clucking like a mother with her small child.

He walked into the room, one hand gently coming up to rub the other's tense back.

"Oh my love, calm down," it was a plea, a soft whisper against auburn hair as he hugged John from behind.

It pained him hearing John squall like a small child, looking at him with lost puppy eyes, almost as he was pleading Paul to make the pain go away.

It took a lot of shushing and Paul having to feed him a few pills, but finally, John calmed down.

He was on so many meds…

His hazy eyes posed onto Paul's face as Mimi efficiently tucked him in bed, his breath still coming out in puffs that were rattling his chest with each intake.

"Sleep tight" Paul leaned down to kiss his forehead, making him sigh from his nose as he cuddled further into the covers.

When the two had walked downstairs, already anxious for the visit, Paul voiced his worries, "Was it only me or John was a bit warm?"

Mimi nodded, "He was, yeah" 

The new gained information had scared them. John couldn't develop another fever.

"Let's just hope the visit will be okay…"

The deterioration of John's brain was steady. Slowly, it was killing him.

Mimi couldn't help but worry incredibly at the news, even if it wasn't completely unexpected.

John was sitting in his wheelchair, which looked more like a child's pram more than a wheelchair, softly cooing as his rattle shook, making noise.

Paul was also looking down at him with a melancholic expression, gently ruffling his auburn hair.

Thanking the doctor and walking out with a new pill bottle, they were letting the doctor's words fully get into their brains.

He hadn't given John more than one, maybe two, years.

At least now, though, John wasn't scared. He couldn't understand something was seriously wrong with him.

As they walked out of the hospital and towards the car, a couple passed next to them, a man and a woman.

"Oh, poor thing!" cried out the woman, clutching a hand to her chest.

Mimi and Paul looked at each other, before looking at her with a raised brow.

"So cruel of you, keeping that poor young man alive in his conditions!" cried out the woman, almost like John had two heads.

"What?"

"Can't you see his suffering?"

"Excuse me, my kid is perfectly healthy and happy" Mimi was furious, but wasn't letting it show.

"But that poor thing-"

"Let's go, Anne," the husband steered away his wife, probably seeing the other woman's murderous expression.

"The nerve some people have" scoffed Mimi, opening the car with a scowl and Paul couldn't help but agree. Some people weren't really able to mind their business.

They drove back home in a strangled silence. It was clear what they were both thinking.

Was it really a selfish thing for them to keep John alive?

"He's not unhappy"

Paul's voice broke the silence, startling the woman behind the steering wheel, and according to his widening eyes, it wasn't something meant to be said out loud.

"He's as happy as he can be I guess" answered back Mimi, determined to not make unnecessary guilt set into her gut.

She was already thinking back of many bad things she had said in a moment of rage, she didn't want that reminder too.

"We're doing great with taking care of him" whispered Paul, one hand gripping her hand.

Mimi didn't even notice they reached home, she had driven completely on out of pilot.

"Oh, look! John has fallen asleep!" 

They both turned around, looking at the sleeping man strapped on the backseat, sleeping curled up on himself.

Mimi smiled, her eyes twinkling with love; she kept smiling as Paul carefully took the other out of the car, gently shushing him when he weakly protested.

Her mind wandered back into the past, when it was George, her beautiful husband, holding the then child John like that in his safe arms.

But George was long gone, and now, at least she wasn't alone anymore at taking care of John, especially with the aggravation of his health.

That evening, John had been fussy and whiny, not wanting to eat.

Paul really felt like a tired parent, trying to coax his stubborn child into eating.

After fights and cries, they managed to feed him close to half a bowl of soup and some cheese.

He was now dozing off on Mimi's lap as she finished her own supper; slowly cradling him in her arms, she was feeling peaceful, like nothing could hurt or judge them.

"It's time for bed, darling", Paul followed Mimi and John with his eyes, deciding to help around by clearing the table.

They were always splitting chores between the two of them, because he knew Mimi couldn't do everything on her own, even if the woman insisted on doing everything.

"Aunnie, cuddles!" 

Soft arms wrapped around a soft body, pulling him towards her.

Mimi smiled, kissing his head and smelling the soft honey smell John's shampoo was giving his hair.

John let out a happy shriek, burrowing himself into her chest, grasping the soft material of her sleeping shirt.

"Good night, my beautiful boy" with a kiss on the forehead and an affectionate tickle, Mimi walked out and downstairs.

Paul was on the rocking chair of the porch, drinking beer and smoking a cigarette, while the stars were shining down.

She noted he had got her a beer and a cigarette too as she happily sat next to him.

It was a little tradition of them; as soon as they were sure John was asleep and not in need of assistance, they would slip in the front porch to have a smoke together; it was a tradition they had carried since their hospital days.

"Is he asleep?" 

She nodded, taking a drag of her cigarette, relaxing back into the chair, "He wasn't very warm and he seemed more calm" 

Paul hummed, "He's lucky to have you"

Mimi scoffed, "He's lucky to have you, you might say"

Paul laughed, "He's lucky to have the both of us, then"

"And we're lucky to have him"

Smiling at each other, before returning to look at the moon and stars, they realised things would have been worse if they were dealing with them alone.


End file.
